In the Hunt: Unauthorized Essays on Supernatural Read online

  Sam and Dean may not be the happiest guys in the world, but they’ve learned to enjoy draught beer, home fries, music from a tape deck, and themed motel rooms. They don’t need the fancier things in life to get the job done while they hunt evil and raise a little hell. Neither should you.

  JAMIE CHAMBERS grew up in north Georgia where he found a love for games and books, but apparently not mild winters and sweet tea-which is why he moved to southeast Wisconsin where he could get away from them and write stories and games for a living. When not writing long, run-on sentences, he is working on the Supernatural Role Playing Game and other projects. He lives in an old, creepy house with his wife and three kids. Follow his latest antics on the Web: http://www.jamiechambers.net.

  Can the adventures of Sam and Dean Winchester be used as a template for day-to-day living? Is it possible to Fight the Good Fight following the examples they set? Should they be role models for disaffected male youth? Is Supernatural really just some silly little show about the occult hidden away on a TV network aimed at teenagers? Or does the show have more to say-about family values, paternal and fraternal relationships, destiny, fate, determination, sacrifice, love, good versus evil?

  While it remains to be seen whether “love conquers all” for the Winchester boys, the love of Supernatural certainly does conquer all in Heather Swain’s fictional (we believe) account of two people discovering each other when fandom triumphs over the ignorance of the uninitiated.

  HEATHER SWAIN

  A SUPERNATURAL LOVE STORY

  Dayton Daily Sun Sentinel Newspaper

  “Ask Adam: Advice for Men” weekly column

  October 5, 2006

  Hey Adam,

  First off, your column rocks, man. You really know how guys think. Here’s a problem for you. The wife and I are having our first kid soon. She wants her mother to stay with us after Junior is born. I say no way. The lady is from Hell. What do I do?

  Signed,

  The Monster-in-Law Is Coming

  Dear Monster-in-Law Hater,

  This is a clear case of damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If you let her come, she’s going to drive you to drink, but if you keep her out, you’ll be dealing with the wailing of the baby and your wife all on your own.

  Demons come in all shapes and sizes, so you have to ask yourself, what’s the worst that could happen? It’s not like she’s going to force your baby to drink her blood, or burst into flames and blow up your house, right? Look at it this way, maybe she’ll help out. Take Junior for a stroll so you and the wife can get some rest.

  Of course, if you think she truly is demonic, salt all the windowsills and doorways. That way she’ll never be able to cross your threshold again.

  Take it easy,

  Adam

  MEMO

  To: Adam Shastenberger

  From: Eileen O’Rourke-Dutton

  Date: October 10, 2006

  RE: “Ask Adam” Advice Column

  Dear Mr. Shastenberger,

  I regret to inform you that we have received several complaints about the advice you dispensed in your most recent “Ask Adam: Advice for Men” column.

  I must admit, I was quite disconcerted by your tone and can understand why readers were upset. In the future, please try to keep your advice palatable for the general reading public.

  Thank you for your attention to this matter.

  Sincerely,

  Eileen O’Rourke-Dutton

  Managing Editor

  Dayton Daily Sun Sentinel

  10/12/06

  Dear Ms. O’Rourke-Dutton,

  Thank you for your letter regarding my column. I assure you that I never meant to be disconcerting or upsetting. However, I believe my advice column speaks for itself (metaphorically, that is). I must admit I’m unclear as to what in my column was objectionable. Could you please be more specific?

  Sincerely,

  Adam Shastenberger, MSW

  MEMO

  To: Adam Shastenberger

  From: Eileen O’Rourke-Dutton

  Date: October 15, 2006

  RE: “Ask Adam” Advice Column

  Dear Mr. Shastenberger,

  Although I would think it’s obvious, let me state clearly that in the future you must refrain from references (metaphoric or otherwise) to motherin-laws (or other relatives) as demons, infants drinking blood, people bursting into flames, houses exploding, and/or salting windowsills to keep said demons at bay. No one is interested in such nonsense.

  I hope this clarifies the situation.

  Sincerely,

  Eileen O’Rourke-Dutton

  Managing Editor

  Dayton Daily Sun Sentinel

  10/17/06

  Dear Ms. O’Rourke-Dutton,

  As per your recent letter, I respectfully submit that demonic possession and its effects on family life interest more people than you might realize. For example, are you aware that over the past ten years television shows such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Smallville, and Supernatural have captured millions of viewers, many of whom are young men-the exact demographic of my readership, I might add? Isn’t that evidence enough that my advice column is hitting exactly the right tone for the readership?

  Sincerely,

  Adam Shastenberger, MSW

  MEMO

  To: Adam Shastenberger

  From: Eileen O’Rourke-Dutton

  Date: October 19, 2006

  RE: “Ask Adam” Advice Column

  Dear Mr. Shastenberger,

  I will kindly ask you to remember that we are a respectable newspaper and not some silly cable television network pandering to the whims of teenagers. Furthermore, you are dispensing advice for real people, not vampires, demon slayers, and superheroes. I insist that you keep your tone at the utmost professional level.

  Sincerely,

  Eileen O’Rourke-Dutton

  Managing Editor

  Dayton Daily Sun Sentinel

  Dayton Daily Sun Sentinel Newspaper

  “Ask Adam: Advice for Men” weekly column

  May 1, 2007

  Hey Adam,

  I know guys usually write to you for advice, but my question concerns a guy, so I figured it would be okay. Here’s the problem. My fiancé is a workaholic. I mean, big time. He’s practically obsessed with his job. I know his work is important (he’s a social worker so other people rely on him to help them out of their problems), but I keep telling him that work isn’t everything. I love him so much, but part of me thinks that if he can’t change, I’m not sure I want to spend my life with a guy who cares more about other people’s problems than his own family.

  Signed,

  Lonely After Six O’ Clock

  Dear Lonely,

  You know, sweetheart, some people have important jobs that have to be done. Take my friends Sam and Dean, for example. Their job keeps them on the road all the time. You think Dean doesn’t want a good home-cooked meal every once in a while? Something that hasn’t been microwaved at a minimart? You think he wouldn’t love to take a vacation? See the Grand Canyon, maybe? You think Sam doesn’t want to go back to college and have a normal life again? But they can’t, sister. Because if they do evil will prevail, okay?

  Not evil like “Oh boo-hoo, someone bilked an old lady out of her social security check.” I’m talking evil feasting on the blood of innocent children and humans sacrificed to demonic scarecrows kind of stuff! So why don’t you just back off and cut this guy some slack. Be supportive for once and realize that the world doesn’t revolve around what kind of curtains you hang in your McMansion. Somebody has to be around to save us all from the clutches of dark forces, and maybe that guy isn’t exactly your fiancé, but still, I’m just saying, Sam and Dean have no choice!

  Take it easy,

  Adam

  MEMO

  To: Adam Shastenberger

  From: Eileen O’Rourke-Dutton

  Date: May 5, 2007

  RE: “Ask Adam” Advice Column

 
Dear Mr. Shastenberger,

  I was under the impression that we had resolved the issue of inappropriate advice dispensed in your column last October. After further complaints about your propensity to refer to reapers, djinns, Wendigos, and other paranormal creatures, it has come to the attention of our legal department that your advice draws heavily from the CW television program Supernatural.

  Our lawyers have asked me to familiarize myself with the program in question and review all your past columns. At first, your references to Supernatural seemed to be minor and perhaps even coincidental. (For example, is it really necessary to encourage men to purchase black 1967 Chevy Impalas rather than hunter green minivans, or to suggest “Burnin’ for You” by Blue Oyster Cult as “the most kick-ass wedding song ever”?) However, over time these references have grown blatant and openly hostile toward those seeking your advice. Your most recent column was particularly troubling.

  It was our understanding upon hiring you that you are a licensed therapist and couples counselor specializing in family dynamics. Our readers expect expert advice based on reality, not on some silly show about the occult.

  Sincerely,

  Eileen O’Rourke-Dutton

  Managing Editor

  Dayton Daily Sun Sentinel

  5/8/07

  Dear Ms. O’Rourke-Dutton,

  Thank you for your recent memo regarding my weekly column for men. As far as your observation that I base some of my advice on the television show Supernatural, I believe Dean Winchester would say it best: “Thank you, Captain Obvious!”

  Frankly, I find it troubling that you would so callously disregard the excellent lessons about brotherhood, father-son relationships, family loyalty, and fighting evil that I’ve explored in my columns.

  You claim that I blatantly use plotlines from a “silly” television series about the occult. Nothing could be further from the truth. As you should realize by now, Supernatural is no mere television series, nor is it silly, and it certainly isn’t about the occult, as you so indelicately put it. Each week, this piece of cinematic genius bravely and openly dissects the intricate personal lives of men and their relationships in the face of battling pure evil. What else do real men do, I ask you, if not this?

  Sincerely,

  Adam Shastenberger, MSW

  MEMO

  To: Adam Shastenberger

  From: Eileen O’Rourke-Dutton

  Date: May 11, 2007

  RE: “Ask Adam” Advice Column

  Dear Mr. Shastenberger,

  While I agree that tackling relationship issues is of paramount importance, all I’m asking you to do is keep it real, as the young people say. In other words, please draw your examples from lives of actual people, not fictional characters such as Sam and Dean Winchester. No matter how imploring Jared Padalecki’s beseeching hazel eyes may be or how enticing Jensen Ackles’s crooked grin can seem, these young men are not real and neither are their problems.

  Sincerely,

  Eileen O’Rourke-Dutton

  Managing Editor

  Dayton Daily Sun Sentinel

  P.S. Could you believe the way the writers left us hanging last night after “All Hell Breaks Loose (Part 1)”? Do you think Jake really killed Sam after Sam saved him from the Yellow-Eyed Demon? They wouldn’t really kill Sam off, would they? How would Dean get by without his dad and his brother?

  5/13/07

  Dear Ms. O’Rourke-Dutton,

  First of all, rest easy. I’m certain Dean will find a way to save his brother, as he sees this as his life’s work. I only hope he can do it in a way that will not endanger himself. Dean, as I’m sure you’ve recognized, has a classic codependent relationship with his brother. Despite his seemingly callous attitude, he often puts Sam’s needs before his own. Dean’s rough, tough-guy exterior is merely a cover for the depth of emotion he carries. These emotions drive his actions and yet he is shamed by them and believes (erroneously) that they make him appear weak. Sam’s possible death is the ultimate test for Dean, and I for one am anxiously awaiting his response.

  Oh, but as you said, these aren’t real people with real problems, so why should we discuss it?

  Sincerely,

  Adam Shastenberger, MSW

  MEMO

  To: Adam Shastenberger

  From: Eileen O’Rourke-Dutton

  Date: May 18, 2007

  RE: “Ask Adam” Advice Column

  Dear Adam,

  I have purposefully waited a week to reply to you so we could be certain of Sam and Dean’s destiny before continuing our correspondence. First off, I’ll admit that I’m not entirely surprised by Dean’s solution to sell his own soul in exchange for Sam’s life … like father like son, wouldn’t you say? I think Bobby summed it up best when he asked Dean, “How’s your brother going to feel when he knows you’re going to Hell?” How indeed? Given Sam’s deeply humanist perspective, nothing could hurt him more than knowing his own well-being is tied to his brother’s ultimate sacrifice and eternal damnation. One can’t help but feel heartbroken for the brothers’ fate and yet envious of their loyalty to one another.

  However, despite my apparent emotional attachment to the Winchester boys, Chas McWilliams, lead counsel of our legal department, assures me that it is in the best interest of our newspaper that you refrain from using Supernatural as a template for advice.

  Until next season, I remain yours sincerely,

  Eileen O’Rourke-Dutton

  Managing Editor

  Dayton Daily Sun Sentinel

  5/20/07

  Dear Eileen,

  The men who read my column are looking for role models that can lead them through the difficulties of being a man in today’s world of uncertainty where evil can lurk around every corner. The Winchesters are fine examples of regular working class guys enduring such a task without special equipment or fancy degrees. I see no problem in referencing their experiences for my like-minded readers.

  Perhaps we are not the ones with the problem. Perhaps Mr. Chas McWilliams needs a little holy water sprinkled in his bathtub. In short, as long as the Winchester brothers battle evil while working through the emotional grit of their family bonds, I shall continue to reference them as part of my columns.

  Sincerely,

  Adam Shastenberger, MSW

  MEMO

  To: Adam Shastenberger

  From: Charles L. McWilliams, Esq.

  CC: Eileen O’Rourke-Dutton

  Date: 5/25/07

  RE: “Ask Adam” Advice Column

  Dear Mr. Shastenberger,

  I do not take kindly to your thinly veiled threat to exorcise the Devil from my soul. No matter what you think of lawyers, I can assure you that I am not possessed. Should you continue to use such slanderous language, I shall be forced to sue you for defamation of character.

  My role as lead counsel to the Dayton Daily Sun Sentinel is to keep our standards above reproach so as to avoid unnecessary lawsuits. I agree that the men who read your column need strong, positive role models, but the (fictional) Winchester brothers, who solve their problems with fists and weaponry, hardly qualify. While I understand that you feel differently, I believe two people should be able to disagree without resorting to name calling and lawsuits.

  Sincerely,

  Charles L. McWilliams, Esq.

  Lead Counsel

  Dayton Daily Sun Sentinel

  5/27/07

  Dear Mr. McWilliams,

  First, please accept my apology for implying that you are “possessed.” That was inappropriate and unwarranted. As you point out, reasonable people may disagree without resorting to drastic measures (such as exorcism or lawsuits-both the work of the devil, ha, ha, ha).

  This leads me to my second point. I have never once in my column advocated violence as a solution to an interpersonal conflict. This is precisely the beauty of the Winchester paradigm for problem-solving. What you’ve disregarded as a show about weapons and violence is, upon closer inspection, an incisive look a
t the ways regular guys negotiate tricky emotional terrain.

  As a licensed therapist and family counselor (as well as an ordained High Priest of the Green Grove Wicca Coven of Dayton), I take offense at your dismissive attitude toward the Winchester legacy. Who else in modern pop culture has explored the complications of joining the family business, finding job satisfaction, and communicating with macho emotional Neanderthals via an entertainment-driven plot?

  Sincerely,

  Adam Shastenberger, MSW

  CC: Eileen O’Rourke-Dutton

  MEMO

  To: Adam Shastenberger

  From: Charles L. McWilliams, Esq.

  CC: Eileen O’Rourke-Dutton

  Date: 6/1/07

  RE: “Ask Adam” Advice Column

  Dear Mr. Shastenberger,

  Haven’t you ever watched The Sopranos? Talk about a deep exploration of family dynamics! You should reference Tony, Uncle Junior, Pauly Walnuts, and Christopher in that low-rent column of yours. At least they deal with reality.

  Sincerely,

  Charles L. McWilliams, Esq.

  Lead Counsel

  Dayton Daily Sun Sentinel

  6/5/07

  Dear Mr. McWilliams,

  I understand now why you would become a lawyer andIatherapist. The Sopranos is fundamentally a dark show that illustrates how vice and immorality can infiltrate and ruin family life. Supernatural, on the other hand, is about putting family first while kicking some evil sons of bitches’ asses in the process! My readers love my column and if you try to stop me, your precious paper will suffer in the end.

  Sincerely,

  Adam Shastenberger, MSW

  MEMO

  To: Adam Shastenberger

  From: Charles L. McWilliams, Esq.

  CC: Eileen O’Rourke-Dutton

  Date: 6/10/07

  RE: “Ask Adam” Advice Column

  Dear Mr. Shastenberger,

  Despite the supposed success of your column, I insist that you end the practice of referring to Supernatural immediately or I will take legal action to permanently withdraw “Ask Adam” from the pages of our fine newspaper.

  Furthermore, do not threaten me or this newspaper, unless you would like a restraining order (or perhaps a pair of cement shoes). I’d like to see your hocus pocus mumbo jumbo protect you then.